This post really resonates with me & my experience/journey with two daughters. I always, ALWAYS pictured/wanted three. We have an 8 & 5 year old. The past few years have been spent waiting & wondering if going for a third would feel possibile or even right for us (financially, state of the world, if it would be too much for our mental health or hard on our marriage, the girls’ close relationship, etc). Then, almost a year ago, my little sister had a third daughter & I expected to have some pretty big feelings around it. I was pretty shocked to mostly feel happy for her & content with where we are & who our family is! We have a rhythm, we fit comfortably in our house, in our car, we have friendships with other families that match up, our marriage is healthy, our girls are in school & thriving (day dates during school hours are life-giving!) I think a small part of me is always going to want another baby, but an even bigger part of me feels like THIS is us.
I don't have any great insights but your post resonated with me so much as I am often thinking about whether we should have a fourth. My husband and I both knew we wanted at least three, maybe four, and after my second was born I knew for sure that "this isn't it." I expected to feel that way again after my third , but I didn't. Which makes me think, maybe three IS good for us. I know I will always wonder if we should have a fourth unless we actually do - that would be our limit. I think we will wait a few years though before coming to any conclusion one way or another, as having three under five has been so crazy. I also struggle with knowing if having another is really right for us, or if I'm just unwilling to let go of the baby stage.
I struggle with this tooooo! So many thoughts and feelings and have always wanted a big-ish family. I have equally contradictory feelings about it all. I always like to ask people what they picture in 15-20 years when sitting around a dinner table with your family, what are all the sights and sounds and who is there? Journal about it. I always end up deciding I want one more kid at that table. BUT then the practical part of me says two is great and all my hubs and I can handle without stretching ourselves too far. Our marriage, our mental health, our physical health, personal space/ work stuff, etc all of it would suffer (that sounds so
dramatic, but you know what I mean), and it all kind of is right now already. My husband is not interested in another one and that honestly kind of makes it easier, bc if we were both indecisive that would be hard, so I can accept his feelings and be ok with that. I will say this tho, my brother had 3 girls and it’s a total circus but they do it and I’m envious. They said going from 2-3 was the easiest because they’re already so IN it. That’s them. I will also add that the age gap changes things in such a big way - my girls, as you know are over 3 years apart and I would definitely do that again (not like we can actually plan it!) but it seems much smoother than having them close in age. I will probably always long for another, and be envious and impressed with those who have 3-4 but I know deep down that 2 is right for our family for many reasons. It’s so so bittersweet tho! If it were “easy” I’d want 6!
I don't know what to do or say, I struggle with this as well. But one thing I've been thinking a lot about is that it's okay to feel a little longing. For anything in life. From the pretty dress I see on a runway model to the kitchen countertop in Architectural Digest to another baby/child. It's okay to want things and not have them. A little longing can be good too. Does that make sense?
This post really resonates with me & my experience/journey with two daughters. I always, ALWAYS pictured/wanted three. We have an 8 & 5 year old. The past few years have been spent waiting & wondering if going for a third would feel possibile or even right for us (financially, state of the world, if it would be too much for our mental health or hard on our marriage, the girls’ close relationship, etc). Then, almost a year ago, my little sister had a third daughter & I expected to have some pretty big feelings around it. I was pretty shocked to mostly feel happy for her & content with where we are & who our family is! We have a rhythm, we fit comfortably in our house, in our car, we have friendships with other families that match up, our marriage is healthy, our girls are in school & thriving (day dates during school hours are life-giving!) I think a small part of me is always going to want another baby, but an even bigger part of me feels like THIS is us.
Thank you for sharing this.
I don't have any great insights but your post resonated with me so much as I am often thinking about whether we should have a fourth. My husband and I both knew we wanted at least three, maybe four, and after my second was born I knew for sure that "this isn't it." I expected to feel that way again after my third , but I didn't. Which makes me think, maybe three IS good for us. I know I will always wonder if we should have a fourth unless we actually do - that would be our limit. I think we will wait a few years though before coming to any conclusion one way or another, as having three under five has been so crazy. I also struggle with knowing if having another is really right for us, or if I'm just unwilling to let go of the baby stage.
I struggle with this tooooo! So many thoughts and feelings and have always wanted a big-ish family. I have equally contradictory feelings about it all. I always like to ask people what they picture in 15-20 years when sitting around a dinner table with your family, what are all the sights and sounds and who is there? Journal about it. I always end up deciding I want one more kid at that table. BUT then the practical part of me says two is great and all my hubs and I can handle without stretching ourselves too far. Our marriage, our mental health, our physical health, personal space/ work stuff, etc all of it would suffer (that sounds so
dramatic, but you know what I mean), and it all kind of is right now already. My husband is not interested in another one and that honestly kind of makes it easier, bc if we were both indecisive that would be hard, so I can accept his feelings and be ok with that. I will say this tho, my brother had 3 girls and it’s a total circus but they do it and I’m envious. They said going from 2-3 was the easiest because they’re already so IN it. That’s them. I will also add that the age gap changes things in such a big way - my girls, as you know are over 3 years apart and I would definitely do that again (not like we can actually plan it!) but it seems much smoother than having them close in age. I will probably always long for another, and be envious and impressed with those who have 3-4 but I know deep down that 2 is right for our family for many reasons. It’s so so bittersweet tho! If it were “easy” I’d want 6!
I don't know what to do or say, I struggle with this as well. But one thing I've been thinking a lot about is that it's okay to feel a little longing. For anything in life. From the pretty dress I see on a runway model to the kitchen countertop in Architectural Digest to another baby/child. It's okay to want things and not have them. A little longing can be good too. Does that make sense?